Struggles with my Sister.

Sometimes I feel like people don't understand me.  For example my little sister feels that I hate her and don't like her.  We are ten years apart, I love her to death, all I every wanted was that sister relationship you see everyone else have.  I feel thats something we wont have.  Its partly my fault for being older and moving away and not trying to keep in touch.  I know she looks at me as a burden and nothing I say to her is every good enough, she always has to seek another opinion.  Why for once can you not listen to me I mean just maybe your big sister knows a thing or two.

My whole idea when I pitched to our parents to help us rent a house.  It was for the idea that just maybe we would bond and develop that relationship.  Yeah was I in for a rude awakening.  Shes a smoker so of course I asked that smoking happened outside.  She always agreed at first but when it came down to it she never fallowed though with her plans.  It would make me so mad.  Compermize i'm told give a little to get a little.

All I every wanted was for us to be close, to do things from time to time.  Be our self and yet have sister bonding time.,  I know we have years between us and it makes us way different personality wise.  But I can still dream about one day having a sister that will be there no matter what.  It took us having a roommate and helping her out for us to truly value the fact of us being sisters.  I wouldn't change anything to be where we are now.  I feel like we can talk to one another and understand each other or at least try to a lot more than we use to.  And we have our roommate to thank for that.  Its been a very long bumpy road but we did it we made it.

Yeah I could tell you all the bad things like being pushed though a window, or chased with a hacksaw, or even doing dishes and luckily our brother walked in when he did because behind me she was coming towards me with a steak knife with intentions to stab me.  But than I did things to her too, some that she probable wont even remember being so young.  As a teen and older sibling when we were all still in school together we would play and she asked to be tied up so our brother and I would tie her to a tree while we were outside playing.  Or we dare her to do crazy stupid stuff.

We are doing way better nowadays.  We try to have a once a week outing.  It works to distress and allows us bonding time.  She also come along way at allowing me to express how I feel when my depression or insecurities play a tole on things.  Just the other day she came to me and sat on my bed and we talked for what seemed like hours.  And yes it was more me upset about things happening in my life.  But she listened, I know she doesn't completely understand me.  BUT SHE LISTENED!!!!!  That is such a huge step for us.  Cause it normally is yell yell yell and yell some more.  I'm not perfect and yes I may complain a lot but I only complain when I have a reason.  Being reassured on things helps keep me from complaining.

I love my sister and don't you forget it. Cause only a sister can be made and love at the same time.  My meaning by that is you can develop a sisters bond though friends and than you have the ones your born with.

I know now even with my insecurities and our differences that she will always be there regardless of where we stand closeness or not.  She will help me though College, staying up late hrs with me to help me write papers.