So in case you all didn't know this January I started to go to college at OTC. Its a big step for me because I didn't get the best schooling growing up with ADHD and ODD and being in special ed classes and being behind in reading and language arts. I feel the system should have fought to advance me in learning and not keep me at a comfortable level. I got thrown into Language Arts II with no buffer. It was a struggle and as much as I may not of known I do actually enjoy the subject. Don't tell my teachers lol. I don't do well in the spelling department so if that is taken out I should be okay.
On a side note my little sister has gotten her Bachelors in Psychology and Sociology and is going to try for her Masters. I tell her she did it to get help and that she should get minor in law so she could help and fight for me if that time every comes. But the two of us have talked for a couple years now. And we came up with the idea when she was done with her bachelors that she would try to help me get a degree in ASL (american sign language). Having my family and my sister stand by me has encouraged me to try to take that step. And trust and believe I did utilize her at the start. But I can hold my own and I see that now. I know shes there if I need her, I know my parents are there willing to stay up late hours into the night to help me finish editing a report. Yes, I hear the lectures but they enjoy it anyways and would do anything for me.
I've see a lot of people growing up with things I have. And not all of them grow to be able to survive on there own. I was a lucky one because my family made me who I am. I wasn't babied, I wasn't allowed to use it as an excuses regardless if it was the source of the issue I was taught to own up to my actions. I don't regret what my parents did for me. And I know as teens we say things and i'm sure my actions said other wise. But looking back as an adult I wouldn't change a thing that they did. Except include everyone in my counseling sessions to help develop the bonds that I lacked from age differences and being different.
I've had nothing but amazing instructors at OTC that want to see me succeed and is helping me to. Not only by developing a relationship but by being a friend on some level. One of the teachers encouraged me to see the school counselor after I told her about my walk out last monday. So I went and it was amazing was there almost two hours. But I now have someone who will work with me and fight with me to get someone to look farther into things rather than just say its in my head. He refereed me to have more intensive medical testings done to narrow out anything medical. To allow us to go on Psychologically. I have nothing medically wrong but all the physically symptoms are here. And someone just needs to listen and believe me so we can figure it out to help get past this hump i've been dealing with for years. Maybe just maybe my depression will finally balance out.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Struggles with my Sister.
Sometimes I feel like people don't understand me. For example my little sister feels that I hate her and don't like her. We are ten years apart, I love her to death, all I every wanted was that sister relationship you see everyone else have. I feel thats something we wont have. Its partly my fault for being older and moving away and not trying to keep in touch. I know she looks at me as a burden and nothing I say to her is every good enough, she always has to seek another opinion. Why for once can you not listen to me I mean just maybe your big sister knows a thing or two.
My whole idea when I pitched to our parents to help us rent a house. It was for the idea that just maybe we would bond and develop that relationship. Yeah was I in for a rude awakening. Shes a smoker so of course I asked that smoking happened outside. She always agreed at first but when it came down to it she never fallowed though with her plans. It would make me so mad. Compermize i'm told give a little to get a little.
All I every wanted was for us to be close, to do things from time to time. Be our self and yet have sister bonding time., I know we have years between us and it makes us way different personality wise. But I can still dream about one day having a sister that will be there no matter what. It took us having a roommate and helping her out for us to truly value the fact of us being sisters. I wouldn't change anything to be where we are now. I feel like we can talk to one another and understand each other or at least try to a lot more than we use to. And we have our roommate to thank for that. Its been a very long bumpy road but we did it we made it.
Yeah I could tell you all the bad things like being pushed though a window, or chased with a hacksaw, or even doing dishes and luckily our brother walked in when he did because behind me she was coming towards me with a steak knife with intentions to stab me. But than I did things to her too, some that she probable wont even remember being so young. As a teen and older sibling when we were all still in school together we would play and she asked to be tied up so our brother and I would tie her to a tree while we were outside playing. Or we dare her to do crazy stupid stuff.
We are doing way better nowadays. We try to have a once a week outing. It works to distress and allows us bonding time. She also come along way at allowing me to express how I feel when my depression or insecurities play a tole on things. Just the other day she came to me and sat on my bed and we talked for what seemed like hours. And yes it was more me upset about things happening in my life. But she listened, I know she doesn't completely understand me. BUT SHE LISTENED!!!!! That is such a huge step for us. Cause it normally is yell yell yell and yell some more. I'm not perfect and yes I may complain a lot but I only complain when I have a reason. Being reassured on things helps keep me from complaining.
I love my sister and don't you forget it. Cause only a sister can be made and love at the same time. My meaning by that is you can develop a sisters bond though friends and than you have the ones your born with.
I know now even with my insecurities and our differences that she will always be there regardless of where we stand closeness or not. She will help me though College, staying up late hrs with me to help me write papers.
All I every wanted was for us to be close, to do things from time to time. Be our self and yet have sister bonding time., I know we have years between us and it makes us way different personality wise. But I can still dream about one day having a sister that will be there no matter what. It took us having a roommate and helping her out for us to truly value the fact of us being sisters. I wouldn't change anything to be where we are now. I feel like we can talk to one another and understand each other or at least try to a lot more than we use to. And we have our roommate to thank for that. Its been a very long bumpy road but we did it we made it.
Yeah I could tell you all the bad things like being pushed though a window, or chased with a hacksaw, or even doing dishes and luckily our brother walked in when he did because behind me she was coming towards me with a steak knife with intentions to stab me. But than I did things to her too, some that she probable wont even remember being so young. As a teen and older sibling when we were all still in school together we would play and she asked to be tied up so our brother and I would tie her to a tree while we were outside playing. Or we dare her to do crazy stupid stuff.
We are doing way better nowadays. We try to have a once a week outing. It works to distress and allows us bonding time. She also come along way at allowing me to express how I feel when my depression or insecurities play a tole on things. Just the other day she came to me and sat on my bed and we talked for what seemed like hours. And yes it was more me upset about things happening in my life. But she listened, I know she doesn't completely understand me. BUT SHE LISTENED!!!!! That is such a huge step for us. Cause it normally is yell yell yell and yell some more. I'm not perfect and yes I may complain a lot but I only complain when I have a reason. Being reassured on things helps keep me from complaining.
I love my sister and don't you forget it. Cause only a sister can be made and love at the same time. My meaning by that is you can develop a sisters bond though friends and than you have the ones your born with.
I know now even with my insecurities and our differences that she will always be there regardless of where we stand closeness or not. She will help me though College, staying up late hrs with me to help me write papers.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Last 5yrs Dealing With Depression Part one
Looking back over the last five years and how Depression has played a role in my life. A lot has happened in the last five years.
Five Years Summuary
Ten-year at Movie Gallery came to an end. The company went bankrupt and closed all there USA doors, three years gone right out the door. I ended up with a ton of movies and a load of unemployment. I was averaging almost $200 week. I had worked as many as 3-4 jobs at one point during my time at Movie Gallery. I could handle the struggle and stress of a very busy life. I sold tickets for a Travel Club, Time Share in a Call Center setting, worked with kids with special needs at support meetings to help there parents, these were all successful places I worked while at Movie Gallery. There was one job that I went to work Hardee's I applied for a night position and was put on weekend biscuit making, my car also was reposed at the time so I couldn't walk across town. They labeled me a no call no show even when I called them 10-times and they said it was covered. I wasn't heart broken over this period in time.
I officially walked away from someone I cared a lot about summer of 2010. I cut all ties and connection, I felt no communication was the best for me. I had a lot to deal with, we were best friends since 7th grade, we didn't date until after High School. And than there was the emotional abuse that i'd been taking because of his own problems and depression. There might have been some physical forcing me to stay in a room or to sit on the couch small stuff like that. But enough to do damage. I wouldn't put it past anything if I don't suffer from a little PTSD from it all. He walked out for 15 days and I realized I was not looking people in the eyes. It made me remember a lesson I once gave a co-ed Venturing Crew about relationship abuse and at that moment realized it was time to end things. It doesn't matter how much you love a person or how right it is to be with them. If you cant do the things you enjoy and enjoy them, your life becomes homebody its time to leave. I went three in a half years of no communication with him and than randomly he called me. But that's another story for another blog.
Than there was the long-term friend that the two of you were glued to the hip all though school. Everyone has issues and deals with them in there own way. But to lash out at those who love you, and want to help you overcome them is not always the best. That is what happened here, she decided to push everyone away including her own family. And in doing so me being stubburn knew something was wrong. I tried to get her to communicate to sort things out.
It backfired instead I got. You took the love of my life, I had to watch you be happy with him. My husband wanted you not me, We were never friends it was all an act. I used you to get what I could to benefit myself and you just couldn't go away. It never meant anything.
Even though I know she was hurting and talking lies to purposely push me away. It still hurt that over 12ish years wasted. I walked away and we went a good four to five years with little to no communication. We only recently started talking around thanksgiving time.
Than we have the good old economy crash that everyone had to endure. I took the summer off after Movie Gallery closed and enjoyed going to Silver Dollar City and swimming and hanging with friends. Than randomly walked into Disney got an application and applied by November I had the job. While at Movie Gallery I did however apply for Disney though Craigslist and was offered an interview by the Reganal Manager and I was not able to make it. That had a hand in me getting hired so fast. They remembered my application from few months prior. Disney shut its doors March 22nd the day before my birthday. I was offered a job with West Gate end of February so I was already safe. I ended up leaving before closing dates. Only lasted until April wasn't the right season to be trying time share.The day they let me go I applied online at McDonalds'. I had a call and interview that day hrs after my application. I was told I had the job but had to go though procedure and wait for second interview. I also had interview with Silver Dollar City that same weekend. Landed both interviews for SDC in the same sitting. Was offered that job too. So I did both. Oh my gosh was it crazy.
I worked at SDC and Mcdonalds' at the same time. I'd get up for SDC at 6AM and leave the house between 6:30-7AM. I had to be at SDC at my work site by 8AM to get the kitchen ready to open by 9:30AM. I would work untill 2-4PM most days. And would have just enough time after riding shuttle to my car to drive accross Branson to Mcdonalds to work. Sometimes i'd run in my work outfit (early 1900s' dress) and have to rush to change. I'd normally was on schedule anywhere from 40hrs - 65hrs at SDC we close early and the hours never exceeded 50hrs. And I would do about 25-40hrs at Mcdonalds'. I'll make a blog all in its own about the departure of SDC and Mcdonalds and how it effected me.
I can handle stress on the job. Just don't treat me like i'm stupid. I don't like feeling like i'm being pushed out and excluded. Were suppose to be a team, a work family and that's not how you develop that work relationship.
Five Years Summuary
- Movie Gallery Closed 2010
- Break-up and lose of Childhood Best Friend 2010
- Losing best Childhood Female Friend 2010
- Economy made it hard to find New Job
- Disney Closed Store I was Working At 2011
- Got fired after one years work at Silver Dollar City because of my Disability 2011
- Two years with Mcdonald's to be fired because of my Disability (Unemployment determined) 2012
- Lost apartment because Land Lord decided they didn't like my Dog anymore. 2012
- Weeks shy of two year marker at Price Cutters Lost job due to two and five min late and depression 2014
- Two and half years of trips to St Louis helping Family (BFF) *Would do it all again* 2013-2015
- Co-living with Sister and Best friend with her kids. 2013- current
That's a lot for just one person to go though by them self. I'll give a little background to what went though my mind, and how I coped with each one. Might take a little time so bare with me. I'm going to talk about the first 5 and make a part two for the rest.
Ten-year at Movie Gallery came to an end. The company went bankrupt and closed all there USA doors, three years gone right out the door. I ended up with a ton of movies and a load of unemployment. I was averaging almost $200 week. I had worked as many as 3-4 jobs at one point during my time at Movie Gallery. I could handle the struggle and stress of a very busy life. I sold tickets for a Travel Club, Time Share in a Call Center setting, worked with kids with special needs at support meetings to help there parents, these were all successful places I worked while at Movie Gallery. There was one job that I went to work Hardee's I applied for a night position and was put on weekend biscuit making, my car also was reposed at the time so I couldn't walk across town. They labeled me a no call no show even when I called them 10-times and they said it was covered. I wasn't heart broken over this period in time.
I officially walked away from someone I cared a lot about summer of 2010. I cut all ties and connection, I felt no communication was the best for me. I had a lot to deal with, we were best friends since 7th grade, we didn't date until after High School. And than there was the emotional abuse that i'd been taking because of his own problems and depression. There might have been some physical forcing me to stay in a room or to sit on the couch small stuff like that. But enough to do damage. I wouldn't put it past anything if I don't suffer from a little PTSD from it all. He walked out for 15 days and I realized I was not looking people in the eyes. It made me remember a lesson I once gave a co-ed Venturing Crew about relationship abuse and at that moment realized it was time to end things. It doesn't matter how much you love a person or how right it is to be with them. If you cant do the things you enjoy and enjoy them, your life becomes homebody its time to leave. I went three in a half years of no communication with him and than randomly he called me. But that's another story for another blog.
Than there was the long-term friend that the two of you were glued to the hip all though school. Everyone has issues and deals with them in there own way. But to lash out at those who love you, and want to help you overcome them is not always the best. That is what happened here, she decided to push everyone away including her own family. And in doing so me being stubburn knew something was wrong. I tried to get her to communicate to sort things out.
It backfired instead I got. You took the love of my life, I had to watch you be happy with him. My husband wanted you not me, We were never friends it was all an act. I used you to get what I could to benefit myself and you just couldn't go away. It never meant anything.
Even though I know she was hurting and talking lies to purposely push me away. It still hurt that over 12ish years wasted. I walked away and we went a good four to five years with little to no communication. We only recently started talking around thanksgiving time.
Than we have the good old economy crash that everyone had to endure. I took the summer off after Movie Gallery closed and enjoyed going to Silver Dollar City and swimming and hanging with friends. Than randomly walked into Disney got an application and applied by November I had the job. While at Movie Gallery I did however apply for Disney though Craigslist and was offered an interview by the Reganal Manager and I was not able to make it. That had a hand in me getting hired so fast. They remembered my application from few months prior. Disney shut its doors March 22nd the day before my birthday. I was offered a job with West Gate end of February so I was already safe. I ended up leaving before closing dates. Only lasted until April wasn't the right season to be trying time share.The day they let me go I applied online at McDonalds'. I had a call and interview that day hrs after my application. I was told I had the job but had to go though procedure and wait for second interview. I also had interview with Silver Dollar City that same weekend. Landed both interviews for SDC in the same sitting. Was offered that job too. So I did both. Oh my gosh was it crazy.
I worked at SDC and Mcdonalds' at the same time. I'd get up for SDC at 6AM and leave the house between 6:30-7AM. I had to be at SDC at my work site by 8AM to get the kitchen ready to open by 9:30AM. I would work untill 2-4PM most days. And would have just enough time after riding shuttle to my car to drive accross Branson to Mcdonalds to work. Sometimes i'd run in my work outfit (early 1900s' dress) and have to rush to change. I'd normally was on schedule anywhere from 40hrs - 65hrs at SDC we close early and the hours never exceeded 50hrs. And I would do about 25-40hrs at Mcdonalds'. I'll make a blog all in its own about the departure of SDC and Mcdonalds and how it effected me.
I can handle stress on the job. Just don't treat me like i'm stupid. I don't like feeling like i'm being pushed out and excluded. Were suppose to be a team, a work family and that's not how you develop that work relationship.
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Side Effects of Medicine UNKNOWN
So I withdrew myself of my meds after Graduation 2003. Every since than I've been faced with different struggles. It all started winter of 03-04 when i'd be outside in the cold my muscles would constrict. over the years it progressed so lose of neck muscles and arms and legs. To the point of face planting. It than progressed to me laughing and sad emotions.
In 2014
I used my insurance to try to find out what happens and why. $5K to have an MRI, EKG, CAT SCAN, to see a Neurologist just to be told its in my head and to avoid the things that trigger it. So its still unknown as to what it is.
Is it a side Effect from all those years on meds.
Did the Meds cover this to where I didn't see it.
So many possibilities and unknown choices. Being told to take a flying leap. One of my biggest fears is not being able to fix and repair from it. I hate felling like everyone watching waiting for me to fail.
I've narrowed it down to possible Thoracic Outlook Syndrome, Convulsion Disorder. I just hope to find the answer before they get to serious.
In 2014
I used my insurance to try to find out what happens and why. $5K to have an MRI, EKG, CAT SCAN, to see a Neurologist just to be told its in my head and to avoid the things that trigger it. So its still unknown as to what it is.
Is it a side Effect from all those years on meds.
Did the Meds cover this to where I didn't see it.
So many possibilities and unknown choices. Being told to take a flying leap. One of my biggest fears is not being able to fix and repair from it. I hate felling like everyone watching waiting for me to fail.
I've narrowed it down to possible Thoracic Outlook Syndrome, Convulsion Disorder. I just hope to find the answer before they get to serious.
Struggling with the Job and ODD
Event took place Monday March 07, 2016 noonish
So its not like me to want to walk out of a place of employment. I like to get a job and stay there as long as I can. But recently there has been some big struggles in my job site. I worked in a fast paced fast food restaurant people know as Moe's.
I started about April of last year in Branson. It was a fun environment very fast past. There were days i'd not step away from the register because it was customer after customer. I loved the fast pace of it all. I'll admit am not always the best employee you give me a list i'll get it done. I was however trusted, I knew managers codes to deal with customers. And even though I had the ability and know how to do things they trusted that I'd not abuse that privilege. I would always get a manager for manager approval if it exceeded what I was granted permission to do on my own.
But with tourism coming to an end for the year business went down. So I volunteered to transfer to Springfield to help out there over the season. Man was that my first mistake. As first I did both i'd work 4hrs on Monday in Branson than turn around for another 4hrs in Springfield. Just an idea of difference in the business of the stores is Branson 4hr shift was about 4-600$ and Springfield was about 2-400$. It became a my store your store battle. And me not knowing everything because I was sole register or lobby. Branson was to busy for me to cross train so the idea was to be crossed in Springfield. Well it never happened.
Instead no matter how many times I asked them over and over to train me the way they wanted me to be there. I was left to fry chips and taco bowls and taco shells. Being treated like you can't do anything. Being yelled at and pushed out of the way. Being told everything you have done for 8 months is wrong. *Explain to me how same company, same franchise can have such different policies.* I was never given my own register I had to use others.
So when you work for a company that so stick with food cost and waist. When I started seeing people take food and leave without paying. I did the right thing I told Management especially when 10-20$ worth of food would walk out the door. Its not so much that it was free for them anyways but it was not accounted for it. Seems like nobody cared because I went from 25hrs to 9hrs a week.
The last day I worked was a Monday the most busies day of all. MOE MONDAY is what we call it. I've not been right in the head starting to get depressed, unworthy of anything. I had talked to my manager on Saturday and told her where I was mentally on things. And she assured me we be able to work though it together. So i'm on register helping a guest with 4kids meals and two burritos. I'm ringing in his order and basketing up the kids meals. When the shift leader comes over starts dictating to me what to do. "Why don't you get your baskets ready" *I have already waiting on the kids quesadillas. "so get those over there. *i'm trying to get the kids meals out firsthand you tell me not to walk around people. So than he takes the scoop away from me and stands in my way from getting the rest of my meals ready. When the line clears I go to stock the kids cups because there out. And he comes to pull me to the back to lecture me.
"come here we need to talk" is what i'm told as i'm trying to get things ready for the next rush we get. I goto the back and he stands there. In a tone one would talk to a little child he goes. "Do you have issues with people in authority," flailing his arms around half bent over mocking me on my height. He accused me of yelling and being rude and having an attitude. So I asked how when I have to talk louder for lack of voice, and my hands are by my side. He kept pestering and going on and on flaring his monkey arms at me. And I couldn't do it so I threw my hands up and said you know what i'm done i'm not doing this i'm going home. As much as it kills me to give into what they wanted. I feel its been the best thing for me.
My second job giving me more hours and better pay. I can focus now on school more. I have no regrets I wish things didn't happen the way they did. I tired for almost 4months and it was just one after another. I asked for task lists and to be retrained. and was even told that the manager would work one on one with me I only got one day and that was that. Nobody cared to communicate with me. I'd come in to things changed and the register being changed and nobody would say anything until after a refund needed to be made.
My conclusion is with my struggles to cope I can not work where there is no communication, and where nobody is willing to take me under there wing to guide me in the path they wish me to achieve. I need to be shown things like a child would learn something new but talking to them as an adult. You want my respect it must be earned. Once one earns it you have my undoubtedly loyalty.
On March 13 I visited the Branson location and found out that Springfield spread like Wildfire the fact that I walked out. But hide all the facts that lead up to it. Nothing irritates me more than people talking and gossiping about why people leave or get fired.
So its not like me to want to walk out of a place of employment. I like to get a job and stay there as long as I can. But recently there has been some big struggles in my job site. I worked in a fast paced fast food restaurant people know as Moe's.
I started about April of last year in Branson. It was a fun environment very fast past. There were days i'd not step away from the register because it was customer after customer. I loved the fast pace of it all. I'll admit am not always the best employee you give me a list i'll get it done. I was however trusted, I knew managers codes to deal with customers. And even though I had the ability and know how to do things they trusted that I'd not abuse that privilege. I would always get a manager for manager approval if it exceeded what I was granted permission to do on my own.
But with tourism coming to an end for the year business went down. So I volunteered to transfer to Springfield to help out there over the season. Man was that my first mistake. As first I did both i'd work 4hrs on Monday in Branson than turn around for another 4hrs in Springfield. Just an idea of difference in the business of the stores is Branson 4hr shift was about 4-600$ and Springfield was about 2-400$. It became a my store your store battle. And me not knowing everything because I was sole register or lobby. Branson was to busy for me to cross train so the idea was to be crossed in Springfield. Well it never happened.
Instead no matter how many times I asked them over and over to train me the way they wanted me to be there. I was left to fry chips and taco bowls and taco shells. Being treated like you can't do anything. Being yelled at and pushed out of the way. Being told everything you have done for 8 months is wrong. *Explain to me how same company, same franchise can have such different policies.* I was never given my own register I had to use others.
So when you work for a company that so stick with food cost and waist. When I started seeing people take food and leave without paying. I did the right thing I told Management especially when 10-20$ worth of food would walk out the door. Its not so much that it was free for them anyways but it was not accounted for it. Seems like nobody cared because I went from 25hrs to 9hrs a week.
The last day I worked was a Monday the most busies day of all. MOE MONDAY is what we call it. I've not been right in the head starting to get depressed, unworthy of anything. I had talked to my manager on Saturday and told her where I was mentally on things. And she assured me we be able to work though it together. So i'm on register helping a guest with 4kids meals and two burritos. I'm ringing in his order and basketing up the kids meals. When the shift leader comes over starts dictating to me what to do. "Why don't you get your baskets ready" *I have already waiting on the kids quesadillas. "so get those over there. *i'm trying to get the kids meals out firsthand you tell me not to walk around people. So than he takes the scoop away from me and stands in my way from getting the rest of my meals ready. When the line clears I go to stock the kids cups because there out. And he comes to pull me to the back to lecture me.
"come here we need to talk" is what i'm told as i'm trying to get things ready for the next rush we get. I goto the back and he stands there. In a tone one would talk to a little child he goes. "Do you have issues with people in authority," flailing his arms around half bent over mocking me on my height. He accused me of yelling and being rude and having an attitude. So I asked how when I have to talk louder for lack of voice, and my hands are by my side. He kept pestering and going on and on flaring his monkey arms at me. And I couldn't do it so I threw my hands up and said you know what i'm done i'm not doing this i'm going home. As much as it kills me to give into what they wanted. I feel its been the best thing for me.
My second job giving me more hours and better pay. I can focus now on school more. I have no regrets I wish things didn't happen the way they did. I tired for almost 4months and it was just one after another. I asked for task lists and to be retrained. and was even told that the manager would work one on one with me I only got one day and that was that. Nobody cared to communicate with me. I'd come in to things changed and the register being changed and nobody would say anything until after a refund needed to be made.
My conclusion is with my struggles to cope I can not work where there is no communication, and where nobody is willing to take me under there wing to guide me in the path they wish me to achieve. I need to be shown things like a child would learn something new but talking to them as an adult. You want my respect it must be earned. Once one earns it you have my undoubtedly loyalty.
On March 13 I visited the Branson location and found out that Springfield spread like Wildfire the fact that I walked out. But hide all the facts that lead up to it. Nothing irritates me more than people talking and gossiping about why people leave or get fired.
Into to who I am... The Story of My LIFE
What its like to be different.
HI my name is Lyssa and
this is my first blog so Bare with me. I'm going to give some feedback of
who I am and how my childhood diagnoses still affects my life as an adult.
I was a hand full when I
was little. Right out of the womb I had medical issues. Nothing
that was life treating or that would keep me in the hospital. And as far as I've been able to tell has not hindered me yet in life. I was born stubborn wanted to be backwards to the world, a breach baby, it took everyone
about a day to realize something was wrong. Turned out my hips and legs
were not fully developed yet, braces were issued and ordered until I could
crawl, than at night until I started walking. *or at least thats the
story I've been told.
By age three ear
infections had become such a routine that I was practically known at the
hospital. There were times not only would I have one but i'd have two in
both ears. It delayed me in learning to speak because I was pretty much
deaf to the world. I was going for weekly checkups because of this.
*Mom tells me I was weeks away from getting Tubes* Than all of a
sudden it stopped and surprisingly I've not had any since. But damage was
done, so weeks, months, and years of tests, and early schooling was about to
begin for me.
I recall bits and pieces of the hospital visits. Having Dr watch how I walk, sticking me in integration rooms *hearing test* they have me sit on a stool and wear
earphones and than they leave. I'd stair at this glass wall and it was
dark. and I was given instructions to raise my hand if I heard a sound. I
remember the bubble gum flavored medicine I'd be given, my mother was a little worried at first because she was allergic and had not yet found out if I was.
The small memories I
have from my early schooling age. I had this one teacher that came in to
work with my speech. I was very lucky I had her from age 3 to the end of
my 2nd grade year. I remember my first word with no help was Smoke I was
so proud of my self. People come into or lives and make such an impact that they never leave us. Growing up i continuously tried to find her.
I'd search online and I had information that I kept on hand. And
one day after I graduated High School I called, her husband answered and handed
her the phone. I was so eager to talk to her for the simple fact that I
wanted to show her I made it. That I had overcome my troubles, she felt
from her years of experience that I would always need help with speech.
And I over came all of this.
At age 8, all the trouble i'd get into led for
my parents and the school to have me tested for ADHD or other problems. I
was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, and Mild case of Depression. My parents
treated me no differently than they would if I didn't have this issues. I
was put on medicine to try to control my mood swings. Being in a
Military family I guess my depression may have came from a young age of my dad
being deployed during my development stage. But age wise that would also
put me around the time I got a brother. Maybe it was just the sudden
change. Yet it could be the simple fact that all our family was across the states.
I was born in California
lived there tell summer of 93' I was 9 1/2 yrs old. I stayed to
meet my little sister be born. Than on a plain I went to fly to Missouri while we transitions to Texas. Not many kids can say they flew alone.
*this girl can* Stayed the summer with Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles,
huge culture shock not only my surroundings but the way they did things.
I was spoiled in there eyes.
When my parents caught up we drove to Texas. I missed some school to the point I started asking to go. we lived there tell i was 13yrs old. Than we officially moved to Missouri and I've been here every since.
When my parents caught up we drove to Texas. I missed some school to the point I started asking to go. we lived there tell i was 13yrs old. Than we officially moved to Missouri and I've been here every since.
Of course me being
a kid didn't understand half of what was going on. I don't resent my
parents for anything they did for me growing up. I know at times kids say
things and i'm sure I told them otherwise. I also don't resent having
siblings. Family is my world, Friends are included. This is going
to be the story of my struggles though life. I'm going to back track a
little to bring out some tough struggles, and disappointments in my life.
I was diagnosed as a kid with ADHD, ODD, Mild Depression at the age of 8yrs. Along with that I was behind in Language Arts and Reading. But with many good people in my life Family, Teachers, Religious Guides and Friends I was able to pull though. In which made me into what I am today.
As an adult I've tried to be re-diagnosed and run into DR wanting to use tests from when I was 8yrs old. The best I've gotten so far is ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, and Social Disorder (which is adult for ODD). This will be the adventure of trying to fit into personal home life, job life, and finding a treatment for all aspects in life.
Struggling to fit in
My life from Childhood to Adult Hood
I was diagnosed as a kid with ADHD, ODD, Mild Depression at the age of 8yrs. Along with that I was behind in Language Arts and Reading. But with many good people in my life Family, Teachers, Religious Guides and Friends I was able to pull though. In which made me into what I am today.
As an adult I've tried to be re-diagnosed and run into DR wanting to use tests from when I was 8yrs old. The best I've gotten so far is ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, and Social Disorder (which is adult for ODD). This will be the adventure of trying to fit into personal home life, job life, and finding a treatment for all aspects in life.
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